|2019-11-18 - 2020-02-23|
[+nrt] Better to keep quiet and let everyone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and leave no doubt.
|2019-10-17 - 2020-01-14|
[+nrt] I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left.
|2019-11-13 - 2019-11-18|
[+nrt] Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
|2019-03-19 - 2019-11-13|
[+nrt] People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
|2019-09-26 - 2019-10-17|
[+nrt] I have alzheimers and deja-vu: I think I have forgotten this before.....
|2019-03-25 - 2019-09-26|
[+nrt] When I die, I want be cremated. It's my last chance of ever having a smoking hot body.
|2019-04-11 - 2019-06-01|
[+nrt] Working at Centrleink has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
|2019-03-25 - 2019-03-28|
[+nrt] When I die, I want be cremated, it's my last chance of ever having a smoking hot body.
|2019-02-20 - 2019-03-19|
[+nrt] I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it.
|2019-02-14 - 2019-02-20|
[+nrt] They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic. But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
|2019-01-25 - 2019-02-14|
[+nrt] They told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic. But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they’re lovely.
|2018-12-22 - 2019-01-24|
[+nrt] As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.
|2018-11-26 - 2018-12-22|
[+nrt] I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed.
|2016-09-17 - 2016-09-20|
[+nrt] My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
|2016-04-09 - 2016-09-17|
|2016-09-14 - 2016-09-16|
[+Rnrt] My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
|2016-09-12 - 2016-09-14|
[+Rnrt] The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formally surcharge-free ATM.
|2016-09-12 (09:13:28 - 14:13:30)|
[+nrt] The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formally surcharge-free ATM.
|2016-08-25 - 2016-09-12|
[+nrt] Velcro - what a rip off!
|2016-07-08 - 2016-08-25|
[+nrt] Always watch your step on an escalator. I once tripped and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half...
|2016-07-01 - 2016-07-08|
[+nrt] Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkled but because they were so far apart.
|2016-05-15 - 2016-07-01|
[+nrt] She was like a magnet: attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.
|2016-04-15 - 2016-05-15|
[+nrt] Bitchcraft ~ The art of annoying people , while smiling sweetly!
|2016-04-05 - 2016-04-15|
[+nrt] You can lead a whore to culture...... but you can't make her think!
|2016-03-23 - 2016-04-05|
[+nrt] This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
|2016-03-09 - 2016-03-23|
[+nrt] I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
|2016-02-05 - 2016-03-09|
[+nrt] Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
|2015-12-25 - 2016-02-05|
[+nrt] Roses are reddish, violets are blueish.....if it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish!!! Happy Chanukah folks.'
|2015-12-24 - 2015-12-25|
[+nrt] Roses are reddish, violets are blueish.....if it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish!!! Happy Channuka folks.'
|2015-12-24 (05:34:25 - 08:34:26)|
[+nrt] Roses are reddish, violets are blueish.....if it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish!!! Happy Chanuuka folks.
|2015-10-06 - 2015-12-24|
[+nrt] The trouble with men is their brains ... on the right side there is nothing left ...and on the left there is nothing right
|2015-08-26 - 2015-10-06|
[+nrt] What do dentist's call x-rays?..... Tooth pics.
|2015-07-13 - 2015-08-26|
[+nrt] So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .
|2015-04-21 - 2015-07-13|
[+nrt] �Reality is for people who can�t use the internet.�
|2015-04-13 - 2015-04-21|
[+nrt] Hi there bumpoo, merry bastard christmas & a fucking cock shit fanny areswipe happy prick new year. From all your friends at the Tourettes syndrome centre..you prick
|2015-04-01 - 2015-04-13|
[+nrt] HAPPY EASTER FROM THE ALZHEIMERS CLUB & JUST IN CASE, merry new year, Have a great 1972! John or is it Rosie...no Dale..oh what the fuck happy birthday!
|2015-03-27 - 2015-04-01|
[+nrt] PAT Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!
|2015-03-25 - 2015-03-27|
[+nrt] While creating wives, God promised men that good and ideal wives would be found in all corners of the world...............then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.
|2015-03-11 - 2015-03-25|
[+nrt] When you are doing nothing ...how do you know when you are finished ?
|2015-01-08 - 2015-03-11|
[+nrt] If I eat an entire cake without cutting it I technically only had one piece.
|2015-01-08 (00:17:08 - 10:17:15)|
[+nrt] I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
|2015-01-03 - 2015-01-07|
[+nrt] I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected. One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'. Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.
|2015-01-05 (05:16:46 - 13:16:50)|
[+nrt] hi there bumpoo, merry bastard christmas& a fucking cock shit fanny areswipe happy prick new year. From all your friends at the Tourettes syndrome centre..you prick
|2014-12-22 - 2015-01-03|
[+nrt] I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, well that's not going to happen.