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Network Name:DALnet
Channel Name:#ballarat
Last users:6
Last updated:2024-03-28 09:45:58
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It's a control freak thing. I won't let you understand!

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Topic history
2017-01-29 - 2024-03-28
It's a control freak thing. I won't let you understand!
2015-01-23 - 2024-03-27
One who lacks courage to start has already finished
2016-10-05 - 2024-03-25
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2016-12-21 - 2024-03-23
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
2024-03-20 - 2024-03-21
Courtship - A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.
2018-08-05 - 2024-03-19
Nature and Books belong to the eyes that see them.
2024-03-16 - 2024-03-17
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
2020-12-02 - 2024-03-15
We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced or laughed at least once.
2015-12-07 - 2024-03-13
The heart has it's reasons which reason does not understand.
2018-04-03 - 2024-03-11
Stay away from prunes.
2018-04-13 - 2024-03-09
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
2022-11-08 - 2024-03-07
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
2024-03-04 - 2024-03-05
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
2024-03-02 - 2024-03-03
We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves
2022-07-06 - 2024-03-01
Frogs have it easy, they can eat what bugs them
2016-09-23 - 2024-02-27
Does time really move or do we just grow old from the earth's gravity pull?
2016-09-03 - 2024-02-25
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget, but there is something left in my head.......
2024-02-22 - 2024-02-23
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
2024-02-20 - 2024-02-21
Did you know that Friday the 13th comes on a Tuesday this month?
2016-12-07 - 2024-02-19
Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?
2022-09-26 - 2024-02-17
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
2016-07-23 - 2024-02-15
The best vitamin for making friends, B-1
2020-10-30 - 2024-02-13
Hookt On Fonicks Werked Four Me!
2015-07-09 - 2024-02-11
I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
2023-09-10 - 2024-02-09
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
2024-02-06 - 2024-02-07
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
2017-05-07 - 2024-02-05
Been there. Done that. Went back for more.
2022-09-28 - 2024-02-03
My ex gave me a reason to live -- I want Revenge!
2016-07-07 - 2024-02-01
Patience is something admired in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead of you.
2024-01-28 - 2024-01-29
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford?
2018-03-13 - 2024-01-27
He who throws mud loses ground
2017-04-09 - 2024-01-25
Anger is one letter short of danger, Greatest remedy for anger is delay
2023-11-18 - 2024-01-23
Live as you wish your kids would
2015-07-27 - 2024-01-21
Blood is thicker than water. And much tastier.
2024-01-18 - 2024-01-19
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
2024-01-16 - 2024-01-17
Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough
2024-01-14 - 2024-01-15
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
2022-06-22 - 2024-01-13
To know yourself, is to know your place in this universe.
2015-09-29 - 2024-01-11
A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice
2023-12-20 - 2023-12-25
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
2015-01-27 - 2023-12-19
Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.
2023-12-16 - 2023-12-17
Reality is the Anchovy on the Pizza of Life
2015-10-21 - 2023-12-15
Opportunities are often lost because they are not recognized.
2017-01-19 - 2023-12-13
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
2023-12-10 - 2023-12-11
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
2023-12-08 - 2023-12-09
The facts, though interesting, are irrelevant.
2021-07-04 - 2023-12-07
I am the one your parents warned you about.
2023-12-04 - 2023-12-05
I filled out an application that said 'In Case Of Emergency Notify:' I wrote 'Doctor'... What's my mother going to do?
2016-10-07 - 2023-12-03
If you can't say something nice about someone you're probably not alone.
2016-01-25 - 2023-12-01
Remember when Windows were washed, mice were trapped, and UNIX guarded the harem?
2023-11-28 - 2023-11-29
Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
2016-12-27 - 2023-11-27
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
2023-09-08 - 2023-11-25
Do not force your view on others, their views are as true as yours are.
2023-11-22 - 2023-11-23
Optimists may say the glass is half-full, and pessimists may say the glass is half-empty. Well, I say the glass is too damn big!
2023-11-16 - 2023-11-17
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
2016-10-11 - 2023-11-15
My job drives me to drink. If it wasn't for that, I'D QUIT!
2016-11-05 - 2023-11-13
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
2023-11-10 - 2023-11-11
Now Accepting Compliments
2017-11-19 - 2023-11-09
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
2015-06-23 - 2023-11-07
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
2023-11-04 - 2023-11-05
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
2017-04-07 - 2023-11-03
Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.
2017-03-11 - 2023-11-01
The easiest way to refold a road map is differently.
2018-07-29 - 2023-10-29
Power interrupts. Uninterruptable power interrupts absolutely.
2018-09-23 - 2023-10-27
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time
2017-04-27 - 2023-10-25
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
2023-10-22 - 2023-10-23
If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?
2015-06-19 - 2023-10-21
I know that you have a thing for me, but why is it so small and deformed?
2015-06-13 - 2023-10-19
The Road to Enlightenment is Long and Difficult. Bring Snacks and a Book to read.
2017-03-23 - 2023-10-17
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
2018-01-23 - 2023-10-15
Proudly marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish
2018-05-25 - 2023-10-13
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
2023-10-10 - 2023-10-11
Oh, no! I turned out just like my mother!
2022-06-06 - 2023-10-09
Animal testing is futile! The animals always get nervous and give the wrong answers
2022-06-24 - 2023-10-07
Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
2023-10-04 - 2023-10-05
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
2023-10-02 - 2023-10-03
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
2023-09-28 - 2023-09-29
You're just jealous because the little voices talk to me.
2017-02-13 - 2023-09-27
Caution is not cowardly. Carelessness is not courage
2015-06-15 - 2023-09-25
No man knows less than the man who knows it all
2023-09-22 - 2023-09-23
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often
2023-09-20 - 2023-09-21
"Normal" is a setting on my washing machine.
2015-10-01 - 2023-09-17
Treat this earth gently, future generations have to share it too.
2016-01-29 - 2023-09-15
It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it
2021-05-30 - 2023-09-13
Red meat isn't bad for you; fuzzy blue-green meat is.
2016-06-03 - 2023-09-07
Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
2023-09-04 - 2023-09-05
Now that I have it all, can I give some of it back?
2016-10-17 - 2023-09-03
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
2023-08-26 - 2023-08-27
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
2017-10-15 - 2023-08-25
A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits
2023-08-22 - 2023-08-23
If I had know I'd live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
2022-05-12 - 2023-01-20
Before you criticize a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.
2016-04-27 - 2023-01-19
Being Politically Correct means Always Having to Say You're Sorry.
2015-12-29 - 2023-01-17
Velveeta cheese has so many preservatives that it doesn't have a shelf life...it has a half life!
2016-03-10 - 2023-01-15
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
2016-05-25 - 2022-12-29
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls of, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
2016-03-27 - 2022-12-27
Genius is one percent inspiration, and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
2016-06-11 - 2022-12-25
95% of guys masturbate...the other 5% lie.
2015-06-11 - 2022-12-19
I am Woman. I am Invincible. I am Tired.
2022-12-16 - 2022-12-17
Discretion is the better part of velour.
2022-12-14 - 2022-12-15
An angry Dragon may eat you, but an angry Woman is truly dangerous
2016-10-27 - 2022-12-11
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
2018-09-11 - 2022-12-09
You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!
2022-11-30 - 2022-12-07
THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
2016-07-03 - 2022-11-29
If you don't know what procrastination is just look up the definition tomorrow.
2015-08-23 - 2022-11-27
If it isn't fattening, it isn't food!
2022-11-24 - 2022-11-25
I've always wanted to be somebody. Next time I'll be more specific.
2018-01-27 - 2022-11-23
Too many of us speak twice before we think
2022-11-20 - 2022-11-21
A job worth doing is worth complaining about.
2022-11-16 - 2022-11-17
Mixed emotions: When your mother-in-law drives your new car over the cliff.
2017-02-11 - 2022-11-15
Hope is the denial of Reality
2022-11-12 - 2022-11-13
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. - Ashleigh Brilliant
2016-04-29 - 2022-11-11
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
2022-11-06 - 2022-11-07
I feel like a new man. Do you have one I could use?
2018-09-29 - 2022-11-05
When our outgo exceeds our income, our upkeep becomes our downfall.
2015-09-27 - 2022-11-03
Reality is for people who can't handle science fiction.
2020-11-28 - 2022-11-01
If you don't care where you're going any road will get you there
2015-06-03 - 2022-10-29
Believe the best of yourself, others see you as a mirror.
2016-08-29 - 2022-10-27
No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. (Yoda)
2022-10-24 - 2022-10-25
Life is: trying things to see if they work
2022-10-20 - 2022-10-21
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
2022-10-18 - 2022-10-19
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
2015-08-11 - 2022-10-17
Treat all creatures as kin, they are part of the same Creation that Created you.
2015-07-07 - 2022-10-15
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
2016-04-05 - 2022-10-13
Make friends before you need them
2022-10-10 - 2022-10-11
Ideas won't work unless you do
2022-10-08 - 2022-10-09
Things always look better when you can't see them.
2022-10-06 - 2022-10-07
There are two ways to be rich --, make more or need less.
2022-10-04 - 2022-10-05
I'm not young enough to know everything.
2017-09-21 - 2022-10-03
So many books...So little time.
2022-05-20 - 2022-10-01
Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.
2016-11-23 - 2022-09-25
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct
2022-09-22 - 2022-09-23
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
2016-08-05 - 2022-09-21
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
2018-06-27 - 2022-09-19
If you can laugh at it then you can live with it
2017-02-07 - 2022-09-17
Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
2015-07-19 - 2022-09-15
Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine!
2022-09-12 - 2022-09-13
There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway.
2015-06-29 - 2022-09-09
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
2016-09-21 - 2022-09-07
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
2016-11-09 - 2022-09-05
When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it is a pretty certain sign that she has his.
2022-08-30 - 2022-09-01
If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
2016-02-17 - 2022-08-29
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
2016-03-25 - 2022-08-27
Love can only be debased in the eyes of others.
2015-04-21 - 2022-08-25
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
2022-05-30 - 2022-08-23
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
2017-02-27 - 2022-08-21
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
2022-08-18 - 2022-08-19
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
2022-08-16 - 2022-08-17
Don't count your chickens before they cross the road.
2015-11-01 - 2022-08-09
To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
2022-08-06 - 2022-08-07
Money is a good servant but it is a cruel master
2022-08-04 - 2022-08-05
A trial of being old is this: remembering which thing one has said into which young ears. (Yoda)
2022-08-02 - 2022-08-03
When looking for faults use a mirror, not a telescope
2016-10-19 - 2022-08-01
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
2016-08-15 - 2022-07-29
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
2015-02-17 - 2022-07-27
I have always thought Klingons would be all right with some GOOD stress reduction therapy!
2016-09-01 - 2022-07-25
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
2017-12-23 - 2022-07-23
I support publik edjicashun
2022-07-18 - 2022-07-19
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
2016-12-05 - 2022-07-15
Start each day with expectations, they could be true by nightfall.
2016-06-05 - 2022-07-11
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.
2021-07-14 - 2022-07-09
Break a bad habit - drop it
2015-04-15 - 2022-07-05
Warning:IRC May Cause BlLlilNlDlNlElSlS!
2015-01-24 - 2022-06-20
2022-06-16 - 2022-06-17
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
2022-06-14 - 2022-06-15
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
2022-06-12 - 2022-06-13
If I were a cat, my curiosity would have killed me 10 times by now!
2021-05-21 - 2022-06-09
If You Are Looking' For Someone With A Great Personality, Get A Dog!
2015-08-21 - 2022-06-05
Death Before Dishonor Nothing Before Coffee
2022-06-02 - 2022-06-03
You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
2015-11-07 - 2022-05-27
WARNING! Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!
2022-05-24 - 2022-05-25
The future is purchased by the present
2016-10-01 - 2022-05-19
Four space stations were lost and they still funded a fifth? Only on TV - Babylon 5
2017-02-21 - 2022-05-17
Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.
2015-01-05 - 2022-05-15
For every action, there is an equal but opposing Government program.
2016-07-21 - 2022-05-11
Meetings. The practical alternative to work.
2017-10-03 - 2022-05-09
Women....like not only to conquer, but like to be conquered.
2022-05-06 - 2022-05-07
I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.
2022-05-02 - 2022-05-03
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts
2016-11-29 - 2022-05-01
Live forever. Or die trying.
2022-04-28 - 2022-04-29
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way
2017-02-03 - 2022-04-27
Smile, it takes only 13 muscles; A frown takes 64
2016-11-17 - 2022-04-23
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you find a rock.
2017-01-17 - 2021-08-13
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
2016-10-13 - 2021-07-28
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2016-01-09 - 2021-07-27
True love is like a ghost; everyone talks of it, few have seen it.
2021-07-24 - 2021-07-25
If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
2016-06-13 - 2021-07-23
Triumph is just "umph" added to "try"
2020-11-16 - 2021-07-19
Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids
2015-04-09 - 2021-07-17
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
2021-07-12 - 2021-07-13
Having a sharp tongue will cut your throat
2014-12-22 - 2021-07-09
Time is what keeps everything from happening to us all at once.
2017-04-13 - 2021-07-07
I finally managed to teach my dog to beg. Last night he came home with $35.00
2021-07-02 - 2021-07-03
So many men, so little reason to sleep with any of them
2016-03-29 - 2021-06-13
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS!!!
2021-06-08 - 2021-06-09
Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise
2017-12-29 - 2021-06-03
My life may be weird, but at least it's not boring!
2015-05-21 - 2021-05-27
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
2021-05-22 - 2021-05-23
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
2020-12-12 - 2020-12-14
Of all the things you wear, your expression is most important
2020-12-06 - 2020-12-07
You lose it if you talk about it.
2015-11-17 - 2020-12-05
It's not an optical illusion it just looks like one.
2020-11-30 - 2020-12-01
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
2020-11-26 - 2020-11-27
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
2016-08-03 - 2020-11-25
Abolish mornings!
2017-05-23 - 2020-11-21
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
2020-11-06 - 2020-11-15
Our favorite attitude should be gratitude
2020-11-12 - 2020-11-13
Any religion comforts a soul somewhere.
2017-04-01 - 2020-11-11
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
2018-08-25 - 2020-11-05
Everyone has 20/20 hindsight
2015-07-23 - 2020-11-03
Persistence is the hard work that you do after you are tired of doing the hard work you already did
2020-10-28 - 2020-10-29
Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can't hear mine...
2017-01-01 - 2020-10-27
A fool and his money are soon partying.
2018-08-27 - 2020-10-25
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
2020-10-16 - 2020-10-20
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night
2020-10-04 - 2020-10-16
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night /// CoronaVirus in Austria, Total Cases 48146 - Total Deaths 813 ... 10/04/2020 - Today : 714 New Cases - 4 New Deaths.
2020-06-19 - 2020-10-04
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
2020-05-16 - 2020-06-19
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
2020-05-05 - 2020-05-16
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
2020-03-21 - 2020-05-05
*Thwap*
2019-09-25 - 2020-03-21
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.
2020-02-01 - 2020-02-11
Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.
2019-12-08 - 2020-02-01
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
2019-11-19 - 2019-12-08
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.
2019-09-12 - 2019-09-24
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
2019-09-06 - 2019-09-12
"Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda-
2015-10-15 - 2019-09-06
In ten years will we still be on IRC?
2016-11-11 - 2019-08-31
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
2019-02-07 - 2019-03-25
Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
2018-10-01 - 2018-10-07
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
2018-09-01 - 2018-09-03
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people!
2016-08-11 - 2018-08-25
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
2018-08-21 - 2018-08-23
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
2018-08-19 - 2018-08-21
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
2016-11-01 - 2018-08-05
Work is for people who don't SURF THE NET
2016-10-15 - 2018-07-29
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
2018-07-01 - 2018-07-03
That which does not kill me... makes me meaner!
2015-08-07 - 2018-06-25
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
2015-12-13 - 2018-06-23
We are not human doings, rather, we are human beings.
2018-05-15 - 2018-05-25
Life's too short to argue, I'm ALWAYS right!
2018-05-09 - 2018-05-15
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
2016-09-27 - 2018-05-07
Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts.
2018-04-23 - 2018-04-27
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
2018-04-15 - 2018-04-23
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor
2016-09-25 - 2018-04-13
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
2017-01-05 - 2018-04-03
The reason some people are alive is simply because it's against the law to kill them.
2018-03-05 - 2018-03-09
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
2015-06-05 - 2018-03-05
You can't direct the wind but you can adjust your sails
2016-04-21 - 2018-03-03
The only evidence against evolution are its opponents.
2018-02-09 - 2018-02-11
"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself."
2018-01-11 - 2018-01-23
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
2016-03-21 - 2017-11-19
Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I
2017-09-23 - 2017-11-13
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
2017-11-05 - 2017-11-07
A hard thing about business is minding your own
2016-08-23 - 2017-10-15
System analysis is the process of finding exactly the right wrench to pound in the required screw
2017-10-05 - 2017-10-07
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
2016-06-23 - 2017-10-03
Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death
2017-09-19 - 2017-09-21
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.
2016-11-21 - 2017-09-19
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!
2015-10-11 - 2017-08-19
Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
2017-08-09 - 2017-08-11
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
2017-08-07 - 2017-08-09
Tell me what you believe and I'll tell you where you're going wrong.
2014-12-23 - 2017-08-07
Not everything that can be counted counts; and not everything that counts can be counted." --A. Einstein
2015-06-21 - 2017-08-03
Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better mouse.
2015-01-21 - 2017-07-13
The obvious is always least understood
2017-06-13 - 2017-06-17
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
2015-05-27 - 2017-05-27
Never trust a proctologist with both hands on your shoulders.
2017-05-15 - 2017-05-19
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
2017-05-05 - 2017-05-07
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
2017-05-05 (11:39:08 - 13:39:05)
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
2017-04-25 - 2017-04-27
I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. The sheep are lying!
2017-04-21 - 2017-04-23
The computer revolution is over - the computers won!
2017-04-17 - 2017-04-21
There is no right way to do a wrong thing
2017-04-15 - 2017-04-17
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
2017-03-17 - 2017-03-21
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
2015-03-29 - 2017-03-17
Practice Safe Housing - Use Condos
2016-05-19 - 2017-03-15
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to read?
2017-03-09 - 2017-03-11
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
2017-02-23 - 2017-02-25
In a world of glamour, simple things will stand out.
2017-02-19 - 2017-02-21
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
2017-02-15 - 2017-02-19
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
2017-02-09 - 2017-02-11
Old hippies never die, They just go undercover.
2015-01-15 - 2017-02-07
Flirtation, attention without intention.
2016-09-11 - 2017-02-03
Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is bad for you!
2017-01-25 - 2017-01-27
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
2017-01-23 - 2017-01-25
Better a bad smell for a moment, than a long belly-ache!
2017-01-21 - 2017-01-23
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
2017-01-11 - 2017-01-15
Always proofread. You might have something out.
2015-03-15 - 2017-01-14
The best love affairs are those we never had.
2017-01-09 - 2017-01-11
Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary.
2015-11-13 - 2017-01-09
A small leak can sink a great ship
2017-01-03 - 2017-01-05
A bad conscience has a very good memory
2016-12-29 - 2017-01-01
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
2016-12-23 - 2016-12-27
One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak.
2016-12-17 - 2016-12-19
Where there's a whip, there's a way
2016-12-15 - 2016-12-17
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.
2016-12-13 - 2016-12-15
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT - Can't remember why...
2016-12-11 - 2016-12-13
If the going gets easy you may be going downhill
2016-12-09 - 2016-12-11
The greatest of all faults is to imagine you have none
2016-11-19 - 2016-11-21
The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest with a sharp knife.
2016-11-13 - 2016-11-17
You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
2015-01-17 - 2016-11-09
I wish a robot would be elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
2015-01-19 - 2016-11-05
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
2016-10-23 - 2016-10-25
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
2016-10-09 - 2016-10-11
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...
2015-04-29 - 2016-10-05
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
2016-09-29 - 2016-10-01
An atheistic, dyslexic, insomniac is a guy who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a DOG.
2015-01-13 - 2016-09-17
My kid sells term papers to your honor student
2016-09-09 - 2016-09-11
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis.
2016-08-17 - 2016-09-09
God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
2016-08-25 - 2016-08-29
Birds have bills too, and they keep on singing
2016-08-19 - 2016-08-21
Is life real or a dream? or both?
2016-08-13 - 2016-08-15
A man's best friends are his ten fingers.
2016-07-25 - 2016-08-03
Learn from your parents' mistakes, USE BIRTH CONTROL
2016-07-09 - 2016-07-17
A Journey of 1,000 miles begins with a call to your auto club.
2016-07-05 - 2016-07-07
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
2016-06-25 - 2016-07-03
Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.
2015-01-01 - 2016-06-21
Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
2016-05-01 - 2016-05-13
Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image
2016-04-15 - 2016-04-21
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
2015-10-05 - 2016-04-15
He who hesitates is probably right.
2016-04-09 - 2016-04-11
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
2016-04-07 - 2016-04-09
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
2016-03-23 - 2016-03-25
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
2016-03-15 - 2016-03-19
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2016-03-11 - 2016-03-15
He who dies with the most toys, still dies.
2016-02-19 - 2016-03-10
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
2016-01-07 - 2016-01-31
A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks
2016-01-17 - 2016-01-21
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't.
2015-01-11 - 2015-12-29
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
2015-12-03 - 2015-12-07
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
2015-11-29 - 2015-12-03
A job worth doing is worth obsessing over.
2015-10-29 - 2015-11-01
Computers are Sexual beings!! They'll screw you every time!!
2015-10-19 - 2015-10-21
Heaviest thing to carry - a grudge
2015-04-07 - 2015-09-27
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it
2015-09-17 - 2015-09-19
It's obvious you won't survive by your wits alone.
2014-12-25 - 2015-09-17
Too err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.
2015-08-29 - 2015-09-15
You'll see it when you believe it.
2015-08-27 - 2015-08-29
Success is...more attitude than aptitude
2015-08-13 - 2015-08-21
He who is not busy being born is busy dying.
2015-08-05 - 2015-08-07
To love is human, to hate, is being less than an animal.
2015-08-01 - 2015-08-05
If we can put a man on the moon, why not all of them?
2015-07-29 - 2015-08-01
A chill in the air, a cat on the lap, a mug of java and a good book. Ah paradise!
2015-07-21 - 2015-07-23
Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.
2015-07-15 - 2015-07-19
Lost time is never found again
2015-07-13 - 2015-07-15
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said: The whole time.
2015-07-05 - 2015-07-07
The thought of heaven couldn't drag me from the path when I'm wandering here alone.
2015-05-17 - 2015-05-21
From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king.
2015-05-09 - 2015-05-17
Ambition is an excuse for not haven enough sense to be lazy.
2015-04-13 - 2015-04-15
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a life time
2015-03-27 - 2015-03-29
Support the Math Illiteracy Tax - Buy Lottery Tickets
2015-03-25 - 2015-03-27
To appreciate nature, is to believe in the miracle of Creation.
2015-01-29 - 2015-02-17
I yell because I care.
2015-01-07 - 2015-01-11
Sometimes I think well. And sometimes I think: Oh well...
2014-12-27 - 2015-01-01
The meek shall inherit the Earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!